Blackstock Art&Design

 I woke up dreaming about Deb.I've known her since high school. I was always trying to win her approval. She would listen to my tragedies, a lifetime of them then criticize ny preferences then clone them. Such as she is an oil painter/teacher now. She dumped me as friend after undervaluing me. Is now smearing me I suppose.  Google says she died but also said she is still teaching. I miss her a lot. I lost her as a friend when I publicly criticized her popular friend(Gord Ferguson) she sold dope to. She never did call me but once to ask for money. So not much of a friendship typical narcissist. So, what's to miss? REBT Self-Help Form What is the situation that you are upset about?       Answer: woke up not doing well debra don't like me no more What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing?       Answer: depression anxiety shame embarrassment What self-defeating behaviors would you like to change?  ...

 “As I feel my stength returning I wonder what the future holds for me, living in long trm care or getting my own place. I can afford either. I will work on my strength and see what happens.

 The care aid Carol, who was bitchy had a bad back but is feeling better now. No wonder. Things are improving. 

REBT Self-Help Form What is the situation that you are upset about?       Answer: I asked Susan at the Ashram if I could pay full amount and not do karma yoga I feel there was agreement that wase reneged on. What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing?       Answer: depresssion rage embarrassment guily hurt What self-defeating behaviors would you like to change?       Answer: withdrawal avoiding social contact unassertiveness What demand are you making about the situation?       Answer: Other people must do "the right thing" or else they are no good and deserve to be punished. Summary Inflexible and unrealistic Assumes one's authority over others Assumes a clear-cut difference between right and wrong Assumes one's ability to inerrantly differentiate between right and wrong Places oneself at the center of the universe with others catering to one's needs and wants...

The Divine Light Invocation As taught by Swami Sivananda Radh a Sarasw ati (March 20, 1911- November 30, 1995) Stand erect, feet shoulder-width apart. Relax your breathing, your head, face, and neck. Keep the eyes closed and focus them on the space between the eyebrows.”Stand erect, feet shoulder-width apart. Relax your breathing, your head, face, and neck. Keep the eyes closed and focus them on the space between the eyebrows. Picture above you a vast ocean of pure white, colourless Light stretching in all directions, into eternity. Imagine some of that Light pouring down around you, bathing you completely in Light. Exhale and slowly inhale, lifting your arms above your head as you smoothly and gradually tense the whole body. Holding your breath, affirm to yourself with all the concentration possible: Exhale, gradually relax, and lower your arms slowly. Now use your imagination to see yourself standing in a shower of brilliant white Light. See the Light pouring down upon you, and see ...

 I am living in long term care a nursing home after a stroke a few monts sgo, a few months in hosptal in transition with abusive room mates and abusive staff landed me here, very nice people and food so far. I spend my days on my new laptop writing a book the latest version has 3 short chapters chanting mantra and sleeping. Which is allowed. No one calls me a slaker  I must do well and win the approval of others or else I am no good. Summary Inflexible Places unrealistic expectations on oneself Over-concern with others' opinion of oneself Self-worth measured by achievement and popularity Non-self-accepting Sub-beliefs I must have love and approval from everybody. I need someone to love me. I must not do anything that would cause others to think less of me. I must be competent and successful. I must have an important skill or talent. I must successfully avoid unpleasant or undesirable situations. Unpleasant and undesirable situations upset me. I can't control my emotions in dif...

I woke up this morning dreaming this song 16th Avenue Lacy J. Dalton From the corners of the country From the cities and the farms With years and years of living Tucked up underneath their arms They walked away from everything Just to see a dream come true So god bless the boys who make the noise On 16th Avenue With a million dollar spirit And an old flattop guitar They drive to town with all they own In a hundred dollar car 'Cause one time someone told them About a friend of a friend they knew Who owns you know a studio On 16th Avenue Now some were born to money They've never had to say, "Survive" And others swing a 9 pound hammer Just to stay alive There's cowboys drunks and Christians Mostly white and black and blue They've all dialed the phone collect to home From 16th Avenue You might also like Rose Colored Glasses Ah, but one night in some empty room Where no curtains ever hung Like a miracle some golden words Rolled off of someone's tongue And after...