OK. All my life I was myself and at risk for making someone else look bad for being myself

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My ‘self’ as I was an orphan was based on authors I had read in my isolation by my mother. (The reason the narcissist isolated me so that they would look good as I would make them look bad. AKA child abuse)

My wife went to law school and then divorced me because a hippie cab driver aspiring artist would make her look bad.

Even when I asked her to add to my go fund me after a stroke it had to be anonymous.

My mother, what would the neighbours think, they will report us to the welfare if I was myself.

The list goes on.

I joked with a woman in my building, friendly and trusting, she dumped me because her boyfriend might find out.

A friend found out that I was in financial difficulty and dropped me as it might make him look bad.

So I write books and make art being honest and real. They hated that at art school, so I found better teachers. My wife at the time isolated me so she wouldn’t lose her support system she said. Rich conservatives.

Then I learn that this is typical narcissism and I have been a victim of it.

An artist lover worried about her reputation with the wives of rich conservatives that went to art school.

So she left.


Jerald is a Canadian visual artist, educator and essayist with a focus on personal history through the lens of REBT, rational emotive behavioural therapy, the work of Dr. Albert Ellis. After a debilitating stroke in 2017, he re-tuned his studio to write and explore creating/editing time based art. He has since published 12 books of personal essays and photo-based artwork, the most recent published title Intimate Writings A Living Autobiography “Warning, confidential matters will be discussed.”was released in the winter 2024. His website is jeraldblackstock.ca

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