In my relationship with my Mom I believed that:

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In my relationship with my Mom (insert predator here) I believed that:

I had to work hard to earn her love.

I had to prove that I am good enough for someone to love me.

I must be perfect to be loved.

I have to go along with, like, or agree with everything she liked or wanted.

My needs and feelings weren’t of equal importance to her needs and feelings.

It’s my responsibility to fix or save her.

Love means never giving up, even though I was being regularly hurt and degraded by her.

Love conquers all.

Obviously, none of these beliefs are healthy. In fact, they make me a target for toxic people, bullies, abusers and other predators. They’re the relationship beliefs of codependents, enablers and the trauma bonded. Or, maybe I don’t believe any of these things. Instead, maybe I believe if I try harder that I’ll be able to reason with a NPD/BPD/HPD partner and get them to see the proverbial light.

Yeah, that’s not going to happen.

Narcissists, borderlines and histrionics also hate me for trying to help them become better people.

This happened to me as I was an adult who felt unloved, unwanted, less than or worthless as a child due to having parents who were emotionally/physically unavailable and mentally ill.



Jerald is a Canadian visual artist, educator and essayist with a focus on personal history through the lens of REBT, rational emotive behavioural therapy, the work of Dr. Albert Ellis. After a debilitating stroke in 2017, he re-tuned his studio to write and explore creating/editing time based art. He has since published 12 books of personal essays and photo-based artwork, the most recent published title Intimate Writings A Living Autobiography “Warning, confidential matters will be discussed.”was released in the winter 2024. His website is jeraldblackstock.ca

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