The Fallacy of Faith

I, as an atheist, change the word ‘faith’ to ‘hope’. As an atheist I accept that the world is the way it is, and I would highly prefer it be different in some cases, so I seek satisfaction, my life’s purpose, in trying to effect change in some way. 

What the hell is intuition? ‘Intuition relies on evolutionary older, automatic, unconscious, and fast mental processing, primarily to save our brains time or energy. It also is prone to make mistakes, such as cognitive biases.’ — (psychology today) To say that I intuitively know something to be true is to fail to ask for the evidence for my beliefs. — (rebt network) Religion programs our intuition to assume we are not good enough and only religion will save us. Atheism deprograms our intuition and says the situation is not optimum so I had better work at dealing with it which includes ignoring it, such as a lifetime disability for instance. I hope my stroke affected arm gets better so I will do my prescribed exercises then ignore it so I can seek satisfaction using other strategies. Better than having faith that god will heal me.

This is the ‘The Age of Atheism’, I like that.

 

 

Bankruptcy and Inappropriate Guilt

All guilt is inappropriate. The definition of guilt according to Dr. David Burns in his cure for depression book ‘Feeling Good’, is feeling responsible for something you are not responsible for. Therefore I have had a love hate relationship with having declared bankruptcy twice, and due to a medical emergency that put me into long term care, for a long time, recently I walked away from most of my debt.

In 1992 I was a career taxi dispatcher and I had decided to upgrade my education for interest sake primarily but also to increase my wage earning power by joining the middle class through education.

After 6 years of full time university I qualified as a professional artist with a teaching certificate and 60 grand in debt, $500.00 a month in payments for years and years and years, a government sponsored slave to the bank, one of the richest oligarchs on the planet.

Artists, with no trust fund or rich family who have a debt to service, need a second job and I chose teaching, I love it and I’m good at it. Here is the thing, in Alberta and the US. it’s mostly contract work. You are paid $125 an hour with no benefits and no hours. You teach 1 class a week per semester. So you need a second job for your second job. Artists have whats known as blended careers. So I went back to logistics and subsistence wages and long hours, another slavery. No energy or time left over for art and teaching. No benefits. So I declared my second bankruptcy and wiped out the student loans because I now needed that 500 a month for food.

Eventually I had a stroke. The first bankruptcy was due to small business debt, after art school I was being financed by my local picture framing supplier that was acquired by a large American firm who promptly called the low interest loan. The idea being that you re-financed through them at a higher interest rate moving from 5% to 34%, shut down your low cost home based business model (not allowed as unfair competition) and move into a high rent storefront quadrupling your costs and increasing your prices eight-fold for a smaller margin due to fewer customers willing to pay a 8 times increase. This is indentured servitude to the home office in Alabama. Corporate slavery.

Ya no. So I went to KPMG accountants for a consultation and 20 min later I was bankrupt and free of debt.

My backup job now became my main job, driving courier as a contractor where they give you high priced rush’s occasionally but mostly low cost (cast) regular delivery’s so you were essentially on subsistence wages with no benefits such as dental. (Most contractors just have their teeth removed.) The upper cast drivers doing all rush delivery’s were the dispatcher’s personal friends/sycophants. So I was driving 60 hours a week stimulating constant high cortisone from spending my life in high alert in traffic until I stroked out.

The immigrants have all these jobs now as this is an improvement over 3^rd world conditions. This is the better life they came for. 

 

 

Response to The Conversation

 

Response to The Conversation

It's like I said to my aging and overweight depressed friend, "Being fit has nothing to do with age it has to do with being fit." I was regurgitating the excellent book by Dr. Burns, 'Intimate Connections'.

Burn's teacher, Dr. Albert Ellis, taught me that the purpose of life, if you need one, is satisfaction. "If you lose an arm, do everything you can to deal with it, then ignore it and focus on strategies for satisfaction; you may not have as many choices but you still have some."

Recently, I was rejected again for my age, which happens at all ages, so I have great skills at handling rejection as well as rejecting others not to my taste. Practice Practice Practice

I stopped watching Sex and the City mostly for its ageism and I have never seen the sequel. I imagined it to be, 'how to be immature at any age'. The author explains it "contributes to discourse on aging and the right of women to be visible at any age."

She is talking about media companies that are selling. I worked for an ad company that refused any proposal that didn't have white people 20-30 years old because that was their market. Capitalism, like ageism, sucks. So I have ad blockers on my computer and no cable TV. I was recently in hospital for a year, recovering, and in the common rooms they had commercial television on 24/7 so folks wouldn't feel lonely. I argued that media makes you feel lonely and isolated and I preferred communication companionship and sex.

Carrie Bradshaw is a painting of what that looks like but to get the real thing you have to turn her off.

 

 

Mindfulness

I was orphaned at age 2, only my bare physical needs for survival were attended to by my widowed narcissist Mom for the welfare cheque.

I have spent my life recovering from her abuse of neglect and its still ongoing. I’m 71. Doing things like marrying people similar to my Mom to win her approval will make you a slave. To approval. Addicted to love one psychologist called it.

Along the way I have spoken to psychologists belonging to several schools and even trans-personal psychologists in a cult at a time when I was in transition and especially vulnerable.

Most, with the exception of evidence based psychologists, implied covertly that I had something to do with the abuse.

The latest was a member of the mindfulness school, based in the Buddhist/Hindu meditation, system of beliefs. “Mindfulness derives from sati, a significant element of Hindu and Buddhist traditions,[7][8] and is based on Chan, Guān, and Tibetan meditation techniques” - Wiki. Yes, the Dali Lama is my abuser, based on evidence.

The pop ‘be here now’ psychology of my hippie past psychological explorations (aka mindfulness) sold a lot of books for Richard Alpert and I suspect that is the real basis for its (and yoga’s) current popularity. I was in a rehab hospital with a patient colleague with a doctorate of psychology recovering from her brain tumours who was making 300 grand a year selling mindfulness to disturbed patients.

As part of my rehab I was referred to a psychologist for possible PTSD after an attack on the street that left me with severe injuries.

I told the shrink that I had experienced mindfulness training as part of yoga cult recruitment at an ashram and found it abusive. Why? Because it criticized me. All criticism is abuse, all cults are abusive.

She soon declared I had no symptoms of PTSD (I did) and discharged me after arguing in favour of her beliefs in order to prove me wrong, like any word salad devotee zealot. She reminded me of the religious psychiatrist I was sent to to deal with grief and loss of my wife to Huntington’s disease. It seems I had no purpose in life and found no purpose in the death of loved ones. More criticism.

Thankfully, I fired him when I found Albert Ellis,”When you lose an arm, do everything you can to deal with it, then ignore it and focus on satisfactions. You may not have as many choices but you still have some." The purpose of life, as it turns out, is satisfaction. 

I recently had an AI on X described this as self indulgent. I was using REBT techniques because they address thoughts causing my feelings on the events of the past and fears of the future. AI’s only generate what they have been programmed with. So I cancelled X. Ignored it and found more satisfying social media. I was also called self indulgent by the Ashram when I  left to attend art school, so I fired the ashram as well. If the purpose of life is my satisfaction, being used by my mother, my wife and my ashram is not very satisfying.

 Isolation

She's Dead To Me

 Isolation

This came to me in a dream last night, a remembrance about Rob and Rose, how they cut me off when I was recovering from a long term illness.

I tend to blame Rose a very childish and therefore narcissist traits person. I was devastated, blindsided. I said goodbye to them and haven’t contacted them since.

Then I started to look at the rest of my relationships where the same thing was/is happening. Yep there it is: childishness. So of course I’m going to get narcissistic behaviours such as isolation from them or partners. 

I thought of my marriage and that aspect was the worst for me, being cut off from friends and family. 

My sister has done this as well, cut me off. 

All the cut offs have been extremely childish people, mean like its bizarre, never cooking, getting obese from take-out, never cleaning hiring a Mom. Never doing the heavy lifting in any sense of the word, using their fleet of flying monkeys for that.  Here was the first result from a Google search.

Sherrie Hurd, A.A.

    • July 31, 2022

    • 6 mins read

    • Dark Personalities / Psychology & Mental Health

It doesn’t always happen quickly. Sometimes narcissists isolate you subtly and slowly, gradually removing your entire identity. However, you can escape.

When we think about narcissists, we think of insidious and toxic people who are easily recognizable. The truth is, they aren’t always so obvious to pinpoint.

Some narcissists pride themselves on just how crafty they can be when isolating you from loved ones. Some of them can slip in undetected and change our lives forever. The good news: we can heal, and we can escape. But first, we must learn the signs.

How narcissists isolate you: 5 signs to watch out for

The narcissist slowly introduces isolation into our lives. It’s not sudden and they usually claim to have your best interests at heart, along with their own. Bit by bit, they convince you to grow more isolated from society.

Here are a few signs that this is happening to you:

1. They pretend to like your friends

One of the subtle indicators that you’re being isolated from people is found in the inconsistent behavior of the narcissist. At first, they will tell you that they like your friends. Gradually, they will find faults in your acquaintances, and this will increase as time goes on.

Eventually, they will say something like this, “I don’t think your best friend, Johanna, is good for you”. Narcissists isolate you with this tactic.

2. They want to keep everything private

Now, this seems sweet at first glance, but it’s a carefully calculated trick. Narcissists will seem like they want to keep family information secret to protect the ones they love, but that’s not the real reason. Here’s the truth.

Only close family knows the true personality and character of the narcissist, and if society saw the truth, it could destroy the narcissist.

If you notice your partner insisting on keeping everything private, it doesn’t mean they’re protecting you. The narcissist could be forcing isolation to protect themself.

3. You’re experiencing self-doubt

Another indicator that a narcissist is isolating you from everyone comes from your level of self-doubt. If you’re questioning who you are or your intentions, these could be thoughts that were planted in your head by your abuser.

This is also a technique used to isolate you from others. It can be a form of gaslighting where the narcissist insists that others do not like you and do not want to be around you. Do you feel this way? If so, someone you love may be attempting to isolate you.

4. They’re using triangulation

It’s vile. Triangulation is when a narcissist will try their hardest to get close to your “favorite” family member. The goal is to become closer to your loved one than you are. Sometimes this happens, and it is so sad.

Do you feel like someone is stealing your brother, your sister, or maybe your own mother? If so, this could be a sign that the narcissist is attempting to isolate you and become more relevant in the lives of your family.

5. They seek all the attention

If someone in your life is always needing attention, their goal may be to isolate you from everyone else. Think about it for a moment. If you are always busy placating a narcissist, you will have no time for anyone else.

This places the narcissist as number one in your life, with the personal goal of being the only one in your life. Watch out for super needy people, and make sure you keep in contact with others to prevent isolation.

How can you escape isolation tactics?

There are several ways to break free from a narcissist’s isolation tactics. More so, there are ways to never end up in that place, to begin with. Take a look at a few tips and tricks to stop these toxic characters in their tracks.

Recognize the signs

First of all, you must be able to recognize when someone is attempting to isolate you from others. Seeing the truth will give you a chance to stop these actions before they start. For instance, here are a few steps.

    • Don’t change all your plans for them. Notice the pattern of interrupting your plans and practice doing what you want, anyway.

    • Be okay with saying no to the narcissist. They will not like this, but if you do it early on, they will understand that this particular form of manipulation does not work with you.

    • Call them out on their behavior. Look directly in their eyes, if they can keep eye contact, that is, and tell them that you know what they are doing. Even if they deny it, just walk away. They know you know, make no mistake of that.

Analyze the relationship

Do you want to stay in a relationship with someone who always attempts to isolate you? Think long and hard about this and understand that narcissists aren’t always willing to change things.

As a matter of fact, most of the time, they deny their actions and intentions. If they bring more harm than good, maybe you should consider a life without them.

Protect your self-worth

Do not let them drag you down. This is a tactic that can successfully isolate you from your loved ones.

You see, narcissists know that if they can make you feel bad about yourself, then you will turn to them, the “only one who appreciates you”. This is a lie, obviously, but manipulation can be powerful if someone has used it for many years.

Do what you need to do

Bottom line: You do whatever you need to avoid isolation and any other harmful weapon a narcissist uses. And remember, a narcissist suffers from narcissistic personality disorder, which is a hard condition to navigate.

Narcissist actually have a low self-esteem and try to offset this by feigning grandiose behavior. Analyzing this behavior is complicated.

These behaviors are not easy to change, so they can affect your health. Your mental and physical health are more important than retaining an unhealthy relationship.

So, scan through these signs and see if any pertain to your situation. If so, take action now and change your life.

A Course In Deprogramming From Religion

 

First

 

The problem, for me, with social media, is that it has so few characters available. I was recently reading a first person, The Marriage Dividend by
Laurie Stone in the Paris Review where Ms. Stone leads from one topic to the next and back again.

From a spontaneous orgy at age 19 to being 78 and meeting a friend on the streets of New York. I fell in love all over again.

I read my very first first person in the New Yorker while on a camping trip with my highly dysfunctional wife and her new age conservative friends. They disapproved of my choice of magazine and everything else about me as it turned out. I was 40 and going to art school to gain some formal credentials in academia in order to teach and get a career away from the very conservative transportation industry where I had taken refuge away from being a poorly paid contract addictions therapist. My transitional needs job. I like to drive and dispatch.

It was hard to get jobs as I was too everything: smart and creative, experienced and a threat to the current management. My straightforward honesty and sense of ethics was also an issue in the shady business world.

So I sat there in the woods reading my first first person and feel in love. I didn’t know it but I had found a writing that matched my painting and my music. Unedited, the first thought is the best thought, unrehearsed, painting from start to finish in 45 minutes. Self accepting that no amount of fussing and going over it was going to make me a better writer, painter, musician in the ensuing 10 minutes. Acceptance of human imperfection as perfection. The sound of the calloused fingers on the strings.

In art history class the prof said Emily Carr’s mark making symbolized a higher power or some such nonsense. When I pointed out she was cleaning the extra paint off the ferrule of her brush all kinds of academic hell broke loose. I encouraged the prof to make some art and then talk about it. So she did.

One publishers rejection said this isn’t a book it’s a blog. So I self publish, thank you Amazon and Google.