Blackstock Art&Design

This is my 25 th anniversary of stopping cigarettes My 37 th anniversary of stopping recreational drugs My 20 th anniversary of stopping sugar and gluten Self Care Strategies Thirty seven years ago my ex-job in logistics became computer operated, and I was to operate the computer. I was working as the Art Director at a plastics manufacturing company. I made my living with a pencil. Graphic design, commercial art. Boring as fuck. Surrounded by working class morons. Their big entertainment was 2 and a juice at the stripper bar on Friday afternoon before going home to fuck the wife and kids while watching the hockey. My ex-employer, (I was a radio taxi dispatcher) created a position for me when I called them up as I had heard they bought a computer. All their dispatchers had quit in protest. They gave me a job learning FORTRAN mainframe database management for their taxis. Google maps weren’t invented yet so we had to build our own in the computer dark ages of 1986 or so. Also the inte...

  Gary Ripley When I first met Gary it was at a house party a roommate Jennifer brought him, he was a teacher at the Art College where she was attending. I said I can’t draw; I draw stickmen nobody can teach me, he said I can. So he did. To control me. We smoked a lot of dope it was late 70’s I was driving cab learning guitar, photo, drawing, painting and yoga. Gary and I became best friends then typically of a narcissist since it was really about control we broke up when finally I said ‘I prefer’. This was a 9 year relationship and I was heartbroken, and this is all I have to say about the trauma and recovery of narcissistic abuse. It was all so textbook. Recently I met a similar personality type in my building, and then dropped him like a hot potato when the control gizmos of guilt started. From 9 years to 9 weeks. I guess I learned something. I saw on the net that he had a show last year. Rubber stamp technique art. My work is better; more range, more depth, more r...

  Fear lay powerfully encamped The thoughts of what might happen Learned as an emotionally abused child in depression Because there was no: hope money attention love All went to my mother To service her victimhood No Cooper baseball glove for me No Little League Just the fear that the oncoming car would swerve into my lane Blindsiding me T-Boning me Family refused to attend my graduation from art school “You are just putting on airs” Partner attended reluctantly It was a distraction from her victimhood A pattern emerged I left them all to rot Choose Peace  

  Quotation Marks Depression says “I can’t do that”, the cure is “Is there any evidence for this belief?” I’ve been looking at dialogue lately, reviewing in my mind the long ago learned rules of grammar. I looked at the quotation marks of a dialogue and became aware that I automatically said, “I can’t do that. Only real writers can do that.” Where or rather when did I first form that opinion of myself? Long ago when learning to read while being depressed, abused by family, "He’s the youngest he’s still a baby etc." The scapegoating of a narcissist parent and siblings. It became a habit of belief. When I first attempted to draw, I was a child, with no teacher no lessons I decided that the result was no good it was a mess. It took years of art school to de-program myself of those notions. My narcissist parent obviously saw my drawing as a competition for attention, narcissist feed, and offered no encouragement, just what I recognize now as a hostile stare. During art ...

The Brenda Situation What is the situation that you are upset about?      Answer: Brenda confronted me in the hall, and when I refused to talk to her she jumped into the elevator and confronted me again. She said mine was not the only opinion that matters. I replied, you are not in control. Both times she physically blocked me and my walker from proceeding, I responded with “Please Move”; the second time I raised my voice as she refused to move. She finally moved. What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing?      Answer: anxiety depression What self-defeating behaviors would you like to change?      Answer:  imagining ‘what if’ scenarios What demand are you making about the situation?      Answer: Life must be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience      Dispute: why must it?     ...

  The only race is the human race. I’m a member of several cultural groups, Scots, Irish, musician, visual fine artist to name few, but I’m still only human. Also I am alive. The only age is alive.  Everything else is religious, racist and ageist hate

 What is 'Do Well?" What is the situation that you are upset about?      Answer: unhealthy negative emotions about the normal reactions I experience   to abnormal situations now and in the past What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing?      Answer: depression anxiety rage shame embarrassment hurt guilt and jealousy What self-defeating behaviors would you like to change?      Answer: withdrawal and avoiding social contact, procrastination, unassertiveness, exercise avoidance, overeating What demand are you making about the situation?      Answer: I must 'do well' and win the 'approval of others' by never inconveniencing them with my concerns or expressing my rights to my normal reactions to their abnormal behaviors or by asking for what I want or else I am ‘no good.’      Dispute: why must I? I...