Fear Obligation Guilt

I mean they were mean 

So, today I am headed to the mountains, as my parking is being cleaned as part of the spring routine in a winter country.
I reached a sense of peace this weekend. "It's not my fault" insights with abuse that I have suffered in the past. I realized it was good for me to live in the hospital with childish abusers and write every day, reflecting on their actions and circumstances while my broken hip recovered. 
I mean they were mean. 

It was a competition for them for attention. Two people, a man and a woman weighed 350lbs and were trauma bonded. One had a special wheelchair motorized and a permanent cathader with a urine collection bag that kept showing itself 'by accident'.

They belittled my choice of frozen blueberries and cream for my snack. I said I used to be overweight and cured it with diet. They kept munching their sugary treats and potato chips while giving me hostile stares like anxious cows chewing their cuds. Both drank a lot of high fructose corn syrup in various forms. Coke addicts.

Somehow I felt guilty even though rationally I knew I couldn't cause their childish disfunction. 

Being parentified as a child will do that. That's how it is done. F.O.G. Fear obligation and guilt.

So my childish building manager who parentified all the residents into her childish office politics drama finally left, the send off dinner was this weekend. What a relief from the F.O.G. I didn't attend, it would be like attending a celebration of your rapist. 

Sort of what Americans must feel with their current president. 

Clearly.