Quotation Marks
Depression says “I can’t do that”, the cure is “Is there any evidence for this belief?”
I’ve been looking at dialogue lately, reviewing in my mind the long ago learned rules of grammar. I looked at the quotation marks of a dialogue and became aware that I automatically said, “I can’t do that. Only real writers can do that.”
Where or rather when did I first form that opinion of myself? Long ago when learning to read while being depressed, abused by family, "He’s the youngest he’s still a baby etc." The scapegoating of a narcissist parent and siblings. It became a habit of belief.
When I first attempted to draw, I was a child, with no teacher no lessons I decided that the result was no good it was a mess. It took years of art school to de-program myself of those notions. My narcissist parent obviously saw my drawing as a competition for attention, narcissist feed, and offered no encouragement, just what I recognize now as a hostile stare.
During art school I was asked to teach young teens for the summer school ‘camps.’ They were the evil spawn of the rich and privileged parents who always asked, “is Johnny or Jane talented enough to go to art school and have a career?” I always replied “Yes, absolutely.” Hell, I didn’t know if I was talented enough, I still don’t believe in some god given thing called talent or a genetic disbursement of the discernment of an advanced art education. Which was the real question: Do I have ‘art genes’ and did I pass them on? Since the main survival skill of evolution is problem solving, in my opinion, the only sane answer is yes, Johnny or Jane can go to art school. By my logic everyone can.
This question told me that the kid had been abused as competition by a narcissist parent who was now using the kid seeking reflected glory.
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| seeking evidence for belief |
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