Blackstock Art&Design

My ‘self’ as I was an orphan was based on authors I had read in my isolation by my mother. (The reason the narcissist isolated me so that they would look good as I would make them look bad. AKA child abuse) My wife went to law school and then divorced me because a hippie cab driver aspiring artist would make her look bad. Even when I asked her to add to my go fund me after a stroke it had to be anonymous. My mother, what would the neighbours think, they will report us to the welfare if I was myself. The list goes on. I joked with a woman in my building, friendly and trusting, she dumped me because her boyfriend might find out. A friend found out that I was in financial difficulty and dropped me as it might make him look bad. So I write books and make art being honest and real. They hated that at art school, so I found better teachers. My wife at the time isolated me so she wouldn’t lose her support system she said. Rich conservatives. Then I learn that this is typical narcissism an...

  Personality Disorders Aren’t Treatable So They Are Warehoused As They Age A man named, oddly enough, Jerry, was at the community coffee table. He minimized me & devalued my accomplishments when I said I am an artist who taught at the University for ten years. A series of tragic events, my wife’s long term terminal illness and my stroke, ate up resources so that I became eligible for low income housing and found myself sitting chatting to this creature. He said oh, “I wrote my ex-wife’s art history papers when she went to art school, and she has since shown in the National Gallery of Canada.” He also claimed to be a professional teacher and a former vice-principle. So, if he wrote the papers, which I doubt as the prof would recognize the change of voice and style, this would make his action unethical per professional standards . If he didn’t write the papers then that would also make him a seedy practitioner, a liar and highly unethical. So I want nothing to do with ...

  In my dream my roommate went to jail . This left me living alone and looking for a new place to live. What to do with all his stuff? I went to work and spoke to the boss, another person I couldn’t trust. There was a kind man there like myself who said he would help me move. I felt concerned but confident that I would deal with life somehow. An old fear from being a child with no resources and dependant on the undependable. Frustrated at having to put up with their insanity and incompetence, looking forward to being an independent adult. Now, as an adult, I find myself with resources and reasonably relying upon trustable folks who, for example, manage my car, my physio and my health. I manage my emotional well being using excellent science based tools I have found dependable (REBT) . I manage my communication companionship and sex needs with social skills I was taught by family therapist experts who advised me to see myself as an orphan. I found a way to get to art school for...

Recently , I had one of those realizations: My mother orphaned me, abandoned me. and dumped me at age 2 1/2; I lost all trust of her when she threatened me with a stick with a nail in it. I continued to live with her until age 14 when I hit the streets at her invitation. Other siblings left earlier, they hated me for leaving and not care-taking her. This put the responsibility on them for her eventual care. So they dumped me as well. The nail in the board incident came back to me in a dream clear as day, I woke in a state of extreme anxiety. The next few days I felt/feel a sense of relief and freedom a sense of being spaced out, very emotional in that I’m experiencing my emotions quite sharply. Inner peace and calm at the same time. Why? It’s not my fault. She was, like my family of siblings, a blame shifter. Intellectually I knew she was nuts but as she manipulated with fear, obligation, guilt, and boards with nails in them, from a very early age, it has taken a while to recover...

Arrogance (blame shifting)  

  Long Weekend Blues What is the situation that you are upset about?       Answer:  Abandonment. The dentists’ office didn't get back to me about my tooth kicking up a fuss, it's a long weekend when historically I have been alone and felt dumped and lonely = no one loves me. Thinking about the isolating behaviors of family, actually my Mom/siblings, and similar girl/guy friends who actually didn’t love me but claimed to. The cure of course is to ignore the lying creatures the lying lies and to focus on that I love me and to walk away from childish self centred folks. What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing?       Answer:  hurt anxiety depression jealousy What demand are you making about the situation?       Answer:  Dentist: Life must be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience. Long weekend: I must do well and win the approval of others or else I am no g...

  I had the lovely experience of having my walking path blocked by automobiles. One person said she was ‘asked’ to. Another said I could walk somewhere else. I was reminded of a family member who used similar put offs and put downs. The professional advice is I’ll never be able to influence them, they don’t care, so it’s perfectly fine to simply walk away. While walking yesterday one of these creatures tried to engage me in conversation using the hook of ‘how are you’ to which I didn’t reply, I just kept walking. His response was ‘fuck you’ and I just kept walking.