The F.O.G. Lifted Yesterday I relieved a nagging depression the cause of which had been centered on relationships and my poor satisfaction levels. My entire life. The guilt I was programmed to feel over leaving my Mother bleeding into other relationships. Edi and I were together for 9 years. During that time I suffered from her the usual but unrecognized overvalue, undervalue, dump then smear; I spent most of that time a slave to recreating the overvalue stage, which was a lie and a manipulation as it turned out. My self esteem was tied up in it of course, having a primary partner and a house lifestyle is an expensive class distinction in conservative Calgary. ‘Belatedly’ ( I was 40) earning my art degrees was part of the catch up and part of my self esteem as a former welfare child. I needed the financial relationship of low housing cost to afford school. So I was dependant as fuck unless I wanted to quit school due to finances, again. I felt I couldn’t bear tha...
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A Description of My Childhood due to the narcissistic abuse of my mother Physical, Mental and Emotional Effects: 1. Headaches, backaches, muscle fatigue, and stomach aches. Today I don’t experience this. 2. Nausea, irritable bowels, diarrhea, or constipation. Today I don’t experience this. 3. Increased susceptibility to colds and other illnesses because chronic stress was weakening my immune system. Today I don’t experience this. 4. Insomnia and other sleep disturbances such as ruminative thought or bad dreams. Today I don’t experience this unless I’m experiencing trauma. 5. A pervasive sense of anxiety , dread, fear, worry, and/or panic attacks . T oday I don’t experience this except during trauma recovery. 6. Depression, the blues, grief, or feeling hopeless about the future. Today I don’t experience this generally, if I do I use rebt with great success . 7. ...
Social Distancing At Social Housing
Social Distancing At Social Housing I love it When I first moved into social housing I was familiar with the concept through a poet colleague in Toronto, and her writings on the perpetual dysfunction of her micro culture. The people housed here are based on age in my situation but there are other criteria, hers was mental/emotional. All are financial. It turns out my building was not so different. The building was known for its quick turnover due to the 12 step focus of the residents, not the most stable population base with its 3% success rate and high incidence of relapse. Gambling seemed to be the drug of choice, but booze, food and valium abuse was also apparent. It was cheap, available and in my neighborhood. I was leaving a crazy roommate that I was stuck with to get out of the hospital during Covid; I was recovering from a stroke and ...
We Had A Gathering Of The Cult This Weekend Yes I’m referring to major league baseball, but it could be any sport or religious activity, such as a showing of art at a temple also known as a gallery or museum. I was in a recovery hospital last year and there was a golf fanatic who could no longer walk. He wore all the golf gear, sat generally silent and disapproving as he invaded and occupied our ‘movies only’ table then switched the channel to some sports fuckery. He was joined by the two resident whales, 350 lb+ in motorized wheelchairs, urine bags hanging down from their catheters to emphasize their victimness as covert narcissists tend to do. I reminded the golf Nazi that there was lounge for sports fans and this wasn’t it. He said, “You don’t golf?” incredulously. I was ill and bitchy on several kinds of opiated pain meds and ended up taking the bait. “I also don’t fuck men” was my response. I mean in my defense you can’t negotiate with a fanatic so you might as well ...