Blackstock Art&Design

  Fear lay powerfully encamped The thoughts of what might happen Learned as an emotionally abused child in depression Because there was no: hope money attention love All went to my mother To service her victimhood No Cooper baseball glove for me No Little League Just the fear that the oncoming car would swerve into my lane Blindsiding me T-Boning me Family refused to attend my graduation from art school “You are just putting on airs” Partner attended reluctantly It was a distraction from her victimhood A pattern emerged I left them all to rot Choose Peace  

  Quotation Marks Depression says “I can’t do that”, the cure is “Is there any evidence for this belief?” I’ve been looking at dialogue lately, reviewing in my mind the long ago learned rules of grammar. I looked at the quotation marks of a dialogue and became aware that I automatically said, “I can’t do that. Only real writers can do that.” Where or rather when did I first form that opinion of myself? Long ago when learning to read while being depressed, abused by family, "He’s the youngest he’s still a baby etc." The scapegoating of a narcissist parent and siblings. It became a habit of belief. When I first attempted to draw, I was a child, with no teacher no lessons I decided that the result was no good it was a mess. It took years of art school to de-program myself of those notions. My narcissist parent obviously saw my drawing as a competition for attention, narcissist feed, and offered no encouragement, just what I recognize now as a hostile stare. During art ...

The Brenda Situation What is the situation that you are upset about?      Answer: Brenda confronted me in the hall, and when I refused to talk to her she jumped into the elevator and confronted me again. She said mine was not the only opinion that matters. I replied, you are not in control. Both times she physically blocked me and my walker from proceeding, I responded with “Please Move”; the second time I raised my voice as she refused to move. She finally moved. What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing?      Answer: anxiety depression What self-defeating behaviors would you like to change?      Answer:  imagining ‘what if’ scenarios What demand are you making about the situation?      Answer: Life must be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience      Dispute: why must it?     ...

  The only race is the human race. I’m a member of several cultural groups, Scots, Irish, musician, visual fine artist to name few, but I’m still only human. Also I am alive. The only age is alive.  Everything else is religious, racist and ageist hate

 What is 'Do Well?" What is the situation that you are upset about?      Answer: unhealthy negative emotions about the normal reactions I experience   to abnormal situations now and in the past What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing?      Answer: depression anxiety rage shame embarrassment hurt guilt and jealousy What self-defeating behaviors would you like to change?      Answer: withdrawal and avoiding social contact, procrastination, unassertiveness, exercise avoidance, overeating What demand are you making about the situation?      Answer: I must 'do well' and win the 'approval of others' by never inconveniencing them with my concerns or expressing my rights to my normal reactions to their abnormal behaviors or by asking for what I want or else I am ‘no good.’      Dispute: why must I? I...

  In my relationship with my Mom (insert predator here) I believed that: I had to work hard to earn her love. I had to prove that I am good enough for someone to love me. I must be perfect to be loved. I have to go along with, like, or agree with everything she liked or wanted. My needs and feelings weren’t of equal importance to her needs and feelings. It’s my responsibility to fix or save her. Love means never giving up, even though I was being regularly hurt and degraded by her. Love conquers all. Obviously, none of these beliefs are healthy. In fact, they make me a target for toxic people, bullies, abusers and other predators. They’re the relationship beliefs of codependents, enablers and the  trauma bonded . Or, maybe I don’t believe any of these things. Instead, maybe I believe if I try harder that I’ll be able to reason with a NPD/BPD/HPD partner and get them to see the proverbial light. Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Narcissists, borderlines an...

  Rational Emotive Behavioural Therapy Resources What is the situation that you are upset about?       Answer:  was reminded or saw clearly that growing up especially when I was a toddler that my mother’s irrational and childish behavior of extreme emotional outbursts was terrifying to me and therefore abusive What are the unhealthy negative emotions that you are experiencing?       Answer:  depression, anxiety, shame. Embarrassment, guilt, hurt jealousy What self-defeating behaviors would you like to change?       Answer:  avoiding social contact, what if scenarios, procrastination, overeating, rescuing, people pleasing, caretaking What demand are you making about the situation?       Answer:  Life must be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience       Dispute:  is it true that I can't stand the effects of abuse? ...